I have a statement to make. It may seem controversial, you may not like it, and I may be dragged out of the known universe by my earlobe for saying this, but...
STOP TALKING ABOUT DUCT TAPE!!!
Now, before you kick me off the internet, let me explain: duct tape is fantastic in its own right. You can use it for home repair, car repair, paper airplanes, and real airplanes. It can stop a leak in everything from a beaver dam to the Hoover Dam. It is an active member of Mensa and can perform brain surgery. You can even use it on ducts! But I think we can all agree that, at this point, Old Man Duct Tape is perfectly happy to be his awesome multitasking self in the world without ticker tape parades and Mythbusters episodes in his honor. It's time we all focused on his sadly overlooked yet incredibly meaningful second cousin, the Twist Tie!
"Oh, that's right!" you're thinking right now. "Those things we get with bread loaves from the grocery store." Yes, those would be the same twist ties you're referring to, but it really is time that we stopped seeing them as simply the keepers of our baked goods, and started viewing them for the ultra-bendy, not-so-spendy, working-class breadwinners they really are! These guys stand up to anything you throw their way, and through thick and thin, they are always there for you, always hoping for you to notice their true worth. Clean out your kitchen drawers right now, and guaranteed you'll find one or two of these bad boys, just waiting to be used. The more you forget about them, the more they appear -- like fruitcakes or starfruit, but more useful. And edible.Bottom line:
Why? Because twist ties can be everything from fun savers to life savers. A universe of bendy possibilities awaits you. Like...
- Emergency Toothpicks!
Just ate a tough, regrettable steak? It's your friend the twist tie to the rescue! Just strip some plastic and dig deep into that gum, and boom, meat no more! (Bleeding is normal.) - DIY Quilts!
Imagine the smiles on the faces of your grandchildren when they receive your handmade, slightly scratchy quilt this Christmas. Feel the love. - Kinder, Gentler Citizens' Arrest!
Handcuffs are offensive. So when I arrest you someday, I will use twist ties to bind your mitts. You're welcome. - International Diplomacy!
Vladimir Putin and our own President are not on good terms right now. But what could be friendlier than if someone made the two specially designed, eco-friendly twist tie friendship bracelets? Cold War? What Cold War? Guys, this could really work...
- Avert Disasters!
It's a quiet morning. Tranquil fog lifts up from the earth as the sun shines through the atmosphere and into the windows of the sleeping neighborhoods. Suddenly, the air thunders with noise of the careening, unmanned train, minutes away from derailment. Trailing behind is its toxic cargo: tons of nitric acid. Moving ahead of it all, a smaller engine carries the hero of this tale: you. Twist ties in hand, the locomotive slows every second, inching dangerously close to the train of death, until your outstretched arm can barely reach the hitch leading at the front. Quickly creating a extra long chain of twist ties, you reach the hitch and loop the makeshift rope around and back to hitch on your car. The trains begin to slow as you pull with all your strength, until, yards before the curve that almost certainly would send both off the rails... you come to an triumphant stop.
Twist Ties: 1. Train of Death: 0.
Regardless of how you use them, twist ties can and should be a welcome addition to your already awesome life. From making blankets to making friends, twist ties deserve to be placed on the same pedestal where duct tape stands today. That is why we have created twist ties "The Official Multitasking Tool of Dolphin Blog". You're welcome, universe.
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