What Not To Do: At The Movies

Today, I'm giving you the scoop on the most basic forms of cinema etiquette, in Part Deux of my Five-Part "What Not To Do" series.
The movies are a place of relaxation, family, friends, 3,000 calorie popcorn, and reclining seats with built-in cup holders (one of this century's most genius inventions). Whether its an A-List Blockbuster, or a Twilight movie, we look forward to those very few exciting visits every year. But even here, there are some unwritten rules that can be easily broken if you're not careful. These include:

1. Do Not Over-Recline the Recliner!
As I have said, the famous reclining, receptacle-carrying dream chairs are truly a gift from Cinema Heaven. But a simple leaning back too far can lead to disaster (and cleaning bills) during, and after, your visit. Still, you shouldn't be overcautious about something like this during a movie visit. Just remember: you're here to see a movie, not fall asleep. Following this rule at equipped locations, and ESPECIALLY at drive-ins (unless you like the feel of sticky leather), can save you a lot of trouble.

2. Do Not Bring The Wrong Type of Snack!
C'mon, we all know what I'm talking about. Almost always, we're going to end up smuggling our own snacks. You see, most of us don't like paying $8 for a 2 ounce box of jellybeans. So, we bring our backpacks, purses, and fanny packs, filled with candy or whatever we feel fit. But not everything is guaranteed to go over well with the security guards
(a.k.a. "The Crunch Vultures").

Theaters only seem hire people with the very best ears, to hear the call of snack smugglers. So, don't bring anything you think the Crunch Vultures may hear, like: Chips, Pork Rinds, Pretzels, Fast Food Hamburgers (did I mention they have great noses, too?), and even home-popped popcorn. Also, if smuggling is your way, make sure not to use a duffel-bag... we wouldn't want to give off the wrong impression...



3. Do Not Bring An MP3 Player!

Aha! So you thought I wouldn't catch you all, who bring MP3 players to movie theaters! I can understand why you do it though: cell phones and laptops are practically banned from the places these days, and you don't really want to see the movie anyway. So, you bring your MP3 to pass the time away. But this can lead to disastrous results for the people beside you. Say the movie is Toy Story 3, and your listening to heavy metal music really loudly... doesn't sound like a very fitting soundtrack, does it? For the sake of everyone else, and of being polite (like we all should be), leave the I-Pod at home.

4. Do Not Be Melodramatic!
This may seem like a pretty general statement, but this is a guideline we should all take to heart. If your watching a thriller or a horror movie, for example, Do Not Scream At The Top Of Your Lungs, like you see in the movies. If you know what I mean, then you've probably found out by now that the walls in a theater are pretty thin. Also, Do Not Pull The Classic "Shout In Disgrace" Routine, which consists of hating a climactic movie scene, yelling at the projection, and stomping away. This doesn't look as dramatic as it may seem... in fact, it looks pretty weird. Don't forget: Your watching a movie, not in one.

And when all's said and done, remember: its just a movie! Its nothing too life changing, and if you didn't like it, its a very easy thing to get over. Try to keep movie visits a relaxed, fun time with family and friends, because it is, right? Right...

 (Oh, and make sure to check out my new Movie Review Engine, Atomic Movies, by clicking the bacon strip on the side bar! Baked Potato!)